There was a time when I was 'dependent' ...as much as I loathe the word..its true! My dependency stemmed from the fact that I 'found' happiness only when that person deemed it 'appropriate'...I found myself wanting to be happy..wanting to be loved and desired..wanting to be accepted...the wait finally did me in. I was tired, weary, restless and far too gone to even care...I resolved to never 'wait'...but steely resolve it was not...I made the same mistake of trusting another person with my happiness...and another and yet another...after which I gained 'enlightenment' so to speak of...I decided it was me who could make me happy, me who could destroy the demons, me who was my best friend...lost, u say? Yes, but now I dont want to be found...not now...not ever!
I am capable..I am independent ..I have buns of steel ;) ...I can do without the fake niceties and the fawning adoration...I am me...Lost ..never wanting to be found!
1 comment:
hmm... well, i have another take on this whole issue. We human beings were never designed (or created) to be/live alone. Our strength lies in togetherness.
If you disagree, I believe you don't feel alone at times (well, I do) just wishing that someone is there for you at least to talk, etc.
That's the sign, that's the proof that human beings (living beings in general) aren't meant to be alone.
Well, having said that, it ain't that easy to give yourself to someone, trust and expect the same in return. Frankly I don't believe 'falling in love' coz love is not a found thing... it's something to work on by two people (I don't agree on same sex things either, so the two people is gonna be man and woman) through adjusting, sacrificing, fighting, giving, understanding, cooperating wagera wagera...
It's easy to close your heart and live, but it's risky and damn hard to open your heart since there is a lot possibility of hurt, mislead, being dumped, etc etc. But still you gotta open your heart, you gotta take some hit, disappointments which are experiences along the way essential to make you mature, help you understand things, help you handle things, help you be with someone who's gone through the same.
You don't have to be accepted, just accept someone and in months/years things will change. The problem is that we expect everything to be spontaneous. We believe in getting our returns for the investments. If we love someone, they have to love us back and that too, right now. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
People misunderstand the definition of love. They believe its a state of emotional bonding which is wrong. Love is a decision. You decide you'll love a certain person and then you work on your likeness towards someone into love and you improve your love through out your life time chucking off the unwanted out of it.
Ah... that's a big lecture, longer than your blog... lol... nyways, am not sure whether whatever i wrote does make any sense at all :) pardon me if it didn't...
cya... cheer... keep looking for.
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